I saw something last night that really disturbed me.  I went to a concert at Nuemos, got there about 7 and there was a dude on the corner yelling a crazy rant.  I couldn’t totally tell what it was all about but it was def about the war.  I suspect he was an Iraq vet suffering from some sort of mental illness.  Whether the illness was caused by the war or if it was something that was always in him that is now coming out I don’t know.   Along with yelling about the war, he was also yelling about God, Jesus, ect…

Anyway, i went to the concert and after the 1st act (about an hour later) I decided to go to my car and get my camera.  He was still yelling on the corner.  I go back to the concert, take some pics, listen to about 1/2 of the main act and decide i’m good to go.  I stop to get some fried fish because i didn’t eat dinner and also, fried anything is awesome and when i went to head to my car he was still yelling.  This dude had been yelling for 2.5 hours…

As i walked by him i considered engaging him.  I wanted to give him my food, i wanted to talk to him.  I considered that maybe all he wanted to do was be heard… i also considered that he is kind of crazy and may hurt me.  I followed him across the street and he turned and i kind of followed him a little more and then a voice him my head told me I shouldn’t approach him from behind so i turned away and i went to the corner and just stood and listened to him.  By this time he had walked across all four streets at the intersection and was back on the original corner he started from.  I was across the street and I just listened to him.

I though about my life and all the stuff going on and about how so often i just want to be heard.  I have so many feeling/emotions/thoughts/ideas/theories running through my head and heart all the time and sometimes i feel like i just need to say everything out loud… just be heard… and i considered that this may be the case for this guy.  He just needs to be heard.  He has so much going on in his crazy beautiful mind, so much to share and no one is listening.  He yells and yells on the corner and people just walk by him.  He’s screaming his Truth at the top of his lungs and no one cares.

As i was considering all this I was listening to what he was saying.   His words weren’t thought out, in fact; he kept repeating the same stuff over and over.  Things like “This is Gods house”, “All religions can be the same”, “Jesus taught love”, etc.  All the same things i believe.  I mean, i’m not necessarily a Jesus person but think all teachings at the core are about Love.  Regardless, i was overcome with emotion and compassion for this person.  I was across the street and i just started crying.  Yeah, he was a little crazy, but he was just preaching love.  He was nothing to fear.  In fact, i felt an intense connection.  I knew he felt what i felt, that Love is the answer to everything.  Love thy neighbor, Love thy enemy, ect.

I walking across the street tears welling and just ready to hug him.  I thought for sure i as approached him he would sense my Love for him as a Being and we would just smile at each other and and embrace with a sense of knowing that all is perfect.   That isn’t what happened.

I got to about 4 feet from him and we made eye contact and he eyes were completely blank.  He had like foamy stuff, or snot,  or something coming all out of his mouth and nose.  For a moment i felt fear, he was glaring at me like a crazy person.  I stopped and instead of embracing him like i wanted i asked him if he wanted my leftover food (fish and french fries).  He started blankly at me and kind of put his hand out and took the food and i stepped back and then i was just like fuck it and i asked him “can i give you a hug”.  He stared blankly back at me and kind of nodded yes so I gave him a hug, told him to have a good night and just headed back to my car.

As i was walking away a moment of panic came over me “OMG, that dude is crazy and we believe the same things.  How far away am i from standing screaming on a corner for hours on end.”   What is it about me that makes me seem a bit more “sane”.  I decided that i am lucky enough to have a filter.  Honestly, if i just succumbed to all of the input coming to me I would be totally crazy.   I don’t know much about brain chemistry but if i wonder if the only difference between me and him is that i am just lucky enough to have all the right chemicals.  The difference in our spiritual filters in just biology.

Last week i took a day long breathing workshop with a Shaman. She has a Doctorate of Ministry in Shamanic Psycho/Spiritual Psychology, is a nationally certified alcohol and drug counselor. (she is also a Reiki Master and a Shamanic Minister).  Anyway, she said much of her early training was was an addiction specialist and also working with the mentally ill.  Those suffering from schizophrenia or bipolar disorder.  She said that she learned a lot about her own spiritual journey from the mentally ill.  I found this very fascinating.

It would be interesting to compare the brain chemistry to and enlightened person to that of a schizophrenic or bipolar person.

In the time, i am happy that i am blogging.  This is my version of standing on the street corner yelling!  🙂

Luv & Light,