Yo yo yo peeps on the mainland!  Yesterday (day 2) was a rough one for me.  Not rough as in bad but it was super emotional, which is good because it mean change and healing is taking place.
So the 2nd Mayan’s 2nd cycle of creation id Germination.  I don’t have a full understanding of what that means but none the less, my experience seems to fit it.  Germination is “the beginning of new life and indeed the purest phase of creation”…
So, yesterday’s main session was Liz’s creation called “beingLoved”.    I started experience what i first i think was a little fear and then just became raw emotion before the session really even started.  I mean, the thing is called “beingLoved”… as i said in my post yesterday, one thing i am trying to do it allow myself receive more love, to not be afraid of it… so yeah “beingLoved” on some level hits at a core fear so I had tears before it even started.  I didn’t even really know why.

The first exercise was “recapitulation”.  You can google if you want to know more but websters defines it as:
“the hypothetical occurrence in an individual organism’s development of successive stages resembling the series of ancestral types from which it has descended so that the ontogeny of the individual retraces the phylogeny of its group”
I don’t know what that means but for the exercise we had to pick an experience from our past and think about it and let our body move in whatever way it wanted to.  Then we could share the movement in a circle… 1) it releases the energy from the experience and 2) others get to witness you releasing the experience.  Cool!  It is amazing how much pain/sorrow/healing you can perceive from another just through 10-20 seconds of movement.  So yeah, the time i chose is still pretty fresh for me.  The loss of this 1st love.  At first i was totally shocked about how much pain/tears i still had over this but then i thought back to a realization i had a few months ago when O and I were dating.  Basically one day i knew with 100% certainty that her and i have been trying to do this thing for lifetimes (and i’m sure there were times when i was a he and she was a she, vice versa, and maybe even a few when we were both he’s!  I think she has been full of fear, running away, and also, in the wrong spot forever.  At the time i thought that it was going to be different this time, that we were going to figure it out on this lifetime.  I think all the tears I had yesterday were about a lot more than what happened in the past few months.  I had healing from many lifetimes.
The good news is i think for the most part i got it all out.  The 2nd exercise was to pick 3 places in the room that represent our past, present, and future.  During this exercise i realized that while a lot of my tears were from the past (past lives) any tears associated with this time around weren’t really from the past.  They were from the present because all the memories from the past about her were good.  Only the thoughts of those memories cause sadness.  Furthermore, i found that whenever i was in my “past” spot in the room, there was no happiness.  It’s gone, it’s done, and it is for the better.  I am so ready to move forward and even more than that, i think that i want to and am going to let go of any thought/possibilities of us trying again in the further.  I don’t want to.  Infinite lifetimes is enough, nothing is going to be different this time around and i think i finally need to learn my lesson, and i have!  Yay!  Destination new love here i come!

Oh, my 3 pics:

Top : Drawing of my past, present, and future.  I’m standing on the future, rays of pure light!

Middle: One of the facilitators (and creator of beingLoved) Liz, standing in front of our alter.

Bottom:  The other facilitator ( and creator of Shamantra) Saffire, just chillin’