Day 5 – Budding

The handout on Budding says “Now we witness another miraculous phase of growth:  the wisdom and ability to stop.  Proliferation has served to create a bud worthy of heathy fruit, and a period of rest and gratitude is in order”.  This is also the birth of the 4th chakra, the Heart Chakra!

Day 5 is when i really realized how much i had grown in the past for days and also when the celebration really started to feel “spiritual” to me.

The day started for me with a little meditation/chakra balancing.  While i was doing this Kari was doing some yoga or tai chi a few feet from me.  After i was done i went to head inside and much to my dismay i saw what looked like a dying bird laying on the floor right outside the door.  It had flown into the screen.  Poor little guy was laying on his back an breathing super heavy and i thought for sure it was dying and i freaked out a bit on got Kari.  She said something smart and hippy like “well lets hold some space for it”.  So we both sat down on the floor next the bird and just sat with it.    I charged up my hands and sent some reiki it’s way and i think kari was too. It isn’t seem scared or any thing.   After about 2-3 mins the bird flipped over and was standing.  At that point i cupped my hands around it so one was on either side, maybe like an inch from the bird.  As soon as i did this the bird flinched a little.  It was def feeling the reiki.  It hopped a little closer to me.  I sat like this for another 2-3 mins, the little bird nestled in the energy of my hands and then at one point it hopped/flew alway a bit and landed right on Kari’s lap!  After a min or so there it hopped to the railing.  Kari and i were kind of amazed.  Did we just heal this bird?  I mean realistically, when i found the bird it was prob not really going to die but it was just in shock.  It prob would have pulled itself together and flew away eventually.  Kari and i decided that at a minimum tho we helped it pull itself together faster.  Anyway, the bird sat on the rail and after a minute or so i said out loud “ok bird, Kari and i have to go to breakfast now.  Have a good day.”  As soon as i said that the bird took off into trees.  We named the bird Heart because is was green (like the heart chakra) AND it was the beginning of the heart chakra day.  While i was packing a few days later i saw the bird again (i like to think it was the same bird anyway).  It was just chillin outside my window on the last morning while i packed.

After breakfast we had Nia 5 stages and then it went into a session of beingLoved.  Hmmm, how do i describe what went on in this session… there isn’t a way to describe it.  By this time the group had really bonded and everyone was feeling very close and loving.  I certainly felt more comfortable than i usually would with people i had mostly only known a week.  I mean, they had all seen me cry for the 1st day and a half days and they still loved me!  hee hee :-)… ok, so the session stated with music on and us really just focusing on being present.  Present to all of our senses, sight, touch, etc… Basically everyone was just kind of rolling around of the floor in happy la la land.  In the beginning i was pretty much on the outside in my own little world but i was aware that others in the group had started to interact a bit.  Rolling on/over each other and just “playing” with the state of presence.  For those who meditate you may know this state of presence i am talking about it.  When you are completely in the moment everything feels perfect and full of love.  Colors are brighter and everything is beautiful.  At one point in time while most of the people are all interacting and rolling on each other and laughing i just turned over and made eye contact with Kathy.  She is an amazing women!  I want to say she is in her late 30’s early 40’s?  She has a 6 year old daughter and is married to what sounds like and amazing man.  She teaches parenting classes to women in prison and she is totally just the biggest nurturer ever!  We made eye contact and smiled and each other and she started crawling over to me so i just crawled towards her and we just gave each other a big hug and ended up just cuddling on the floor for a minute or so.  Cuddling like you would cuddle your mom or sister, or even the way two little girls cuddle with other when they have sleepovers.  Honestly, this type of closeness is kind of out of my comfort zone.  Ask my family and they will tell you.  I have spent most of my life hating being hugged!  This had changed a lot in recent months.  I am def coming a big hugger but in general, at this time i didn’t necessarily like being hugged, i just like giving hugs!  Again, it goes back to what i said in my earlier blog about being better at giving love then receiving it.

Anyway, this hug/cuddling totally opened up a door for me and i just said “fuck it, time to let go” and i ended up just letting myself roll into the pile of people rolling all over the place.  It was amazing.  It felt so safe and trusting, and super full of love… it’s hard to explain but sufficed it to say that to an outside observer i’m sure our little circle looked strange as hell.  To me it was basically like a non-sexual, fully clothed heart orgy (as opposed to a 2nd chakra orgy ;-).  It was pretty awesome.

After all of the loving rolling all over floor about 8 of us hit the pool for a pre-lunch naked swim… by this time i was really diggin’ being naked!  😉

The 2nd session was pretty uneventful (but great).  It was Shamantra and we did mostly the vocal drum circle. After that was the evening Nia class.  During this class Liz encouraged everyone to be a underachiever.  Given that i was pretty immobile due to my back this worked well for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better theme for the class! The Achiever in me knows that i was the best underachiever in the class!  hee hee!  I did all the steps but barely moved the whole class!

The evening ended with a talent show and this is where is became pretty spiritual for me.  I realized the kind of people that live at Kalani.  I also realized that i will prob end up living there at some point in time.

The MC for the talent show was this awesome gay dude who was totally hot.  He MCed in drag and was funny and dirty as hell… and yeah, he had a better body than most women… all i could keep thinking was “i bet there are some straight guys here trying to deal with some “funny feelings ;-)”.

Anyway, all the talent was amazing.  I mean, in general artist are drawn to this spiritual world so it shouldn’t be surprising at all.  I want to write about all of them but i am going to stick to 2 of them.  You may recall a few weeks ago a blogged about how when i was watching the monk at the buddhist temple he basically radiated pure light and completely memorized me.  Well, this happened to me twice at the talent show.  The 1st guy who radiated to me was this award winning poet (for got his name for now but i’ll find it out, i know his 1st name is Chad).  He said his is writing a book and was gonna read the 1st 4 pages of the book.  The 4 pages were basically channeled and as he read it he would get lost every now and then because apparently he hadn’t read what he had written before… and since it was channeled he wasn’t totally aware when he wrote it.

Anyway, the story read as “the story of chad as told but his spirit guide”.  It was amazing… and horrible… I realized that Chad’s spirit guide (and basically the one writing the story) had a wicked sense of humor because it was seriously the worst writing i have ever heard.  I realized soon into it that Chad, the award winning poet, was def not the one who wrote the story.  That said, the message was profound, esp for me.  The spirit guide talked about many things but one thing that clicked with me was something he said about enlightenment and mediation.  Basically that the most “effective” way to mediated (if enlightenment is what you seek… and it is what i seek) is to “do nothing”, focus on the breath.  In short, he described Vipassana… damn… what you resist persists.  You may recall that the 10 day Vipassana retreat is the meditation that i left early because it “wasn’t my path”… As i watch Chad read his story, i started to see him radiate pure light just like the monk and i knew that i Vipassana is a part of my path… just not yet… I need to start doing silent/breath mediations a little more often but i also realized that i will be going back to the 10 day eventually.  I am pretty sure it will be in 2 years.  I will will turn 33 (i am a life path 33-6 in numerology) on dec 14th 2012 and i will prob go to the mediation over xmas again which means i will be there in Dec 2012… a big time in terms of the Mayan calendar as well as just spiritually speaking.  Most who practice some form of spirituality believe that Dec 2012 will be some sort of turning point for humanity.  The end of the world as we know it.  Some believe the world is going to end but i believe we are just going to see a massive blossoming of conciseness and we will get much closer to a peaceful loving world.  yay!

The other personal that radiated light to me was this early-mid 20 something girl.  She read a poem she wrote but it was def more than that to me.  To me it was the word of god (or truth, source, universe, whatever you want to call).  It had a Rumi feel.  I was so completely mesmerized that i can barely remember what it was about.  I was just staring at her with my hand on my chest (because i felt like my heart was about to explode with love) my eyes completely fixed.  She was speaking the absolute Truth. I noticed she kept looking at me too.

After the show was over i approached her and told her how amazing her poem was and i asked her what he back ground/meditative practices were but i didn’t get the info i was looking for.  Apparently she works at a bike shop on the island and is going to the university for literature.  She said writing is her main mediative practice.  At this point i just came out and said “well this might strange while you were reading that you basically radiated pure light to me and it was amazing, do you know what i am talking about”.  Turns out she did know what i was talking about because she said “thank for telling me, i kept looking over at you because i could see in your eyes that you knew what i was talking about”.  Anyway, i have her a hug and wished he well and went on my way and later i totally regretted that i didn’t ask for her contact information.  If for no other reason so that i could follow her journey.  Who is she?  Did she consider herself enlightened?  I just wanted to know more.  Turns out that one of the other women from our group asked if she would send her a copy of the poem so i guess when she does i can get her e-mail.

So yeah, the talent show was pretty deep for me.  I had some pretty massive heart openings and i realized that there is a lot more than hippy relaxing going on here.  There is some serious spiritual evolution taking place and i want to be a part of it.  I think i will end up at Kalani for a few months or more at some point in time, prob still a few years form now though.


top: me taking a pic of myself taking a picture!

mid: Our little bird Heart

bot: Fresh coconuts.  The dude that chopped him cut the tops off and gave us a few.  Yummy!