I wrote 99% of this on February 4, 2010.  I just added a few few sentences to make it fit in with my last post… obv i have been planning to write all this down for a while… 🙂

So my last blog post was kind of the beginning of my Life’s Story.  Before on continue, i am going to post this just to let give the synopsis of the story.  That’s all my life is, a story.  Why do i want to tell it?  Well, if i am being completely honest i have to say that is it because something inside me tells me that my story may be an important one.

Important?  What the hell do I mean by that you ask?  Well, let me just lay it out there.  A little over a year ago I had an awakening (Dec 12, 2008… stayed tuned for a the deets).  My life hasn’t been the same since.  In addition to many other “strange” things that have happened to me in the past year, i have had this reoccurring “premonition” about 4 times.  Now it seems to be just a part of my reality.  I have this sense that i am going to become some revolutionary spiritual leader at some point in the future.  There, i said it.  What do I mean by that?  Well, the first time i had it, it was big.  I mean Jesus big!  I saw myself being crucified… it was scary (and no, i don;t really think any thing like that is gonna happen).   After the 1st vision i started looking into spirituality and i became of aware of this concept of the Divine Feminine… specifically this concept of the rebirth of the Divine Feminine.  Once i became familiar with this concept my “premonitions” (AKA my mind’s stories) kind of shifted to this thought that i am going to embody this concept of the divine feminine.  I AM the divine feminine.  I’ll go into details about the premonitions later in the blog for for now i will leave it at that.

Since the last of these promotions about my purpose my awareness has grown immensely and the vision has taken on new meaning.  In general I know my purpose.  It is to dance and spread awareness (by becoming a spiritual teacher?).  The thing is, this can take many different forms.  In a sense, i have already achieved purpose.  I am a Nia instructor and soon i will have my classes up and running.   Nia (dance) will become my “Sacred Livelihood”.  In addition, i am a “spiritual teacher” in my circle of friends.  Not on any grand level but i engage many of my friends in spiritual conversations and encourage them to find their path/passion.  If i wanted, i could end the story here and say i have achieved my Life’s purpose.  I could say i have achieved my highest self for this lifetime…

I don’t know, that story doesn’t seem all that exciting does it?  I want to write a more exciting version for myself.  I want to be open to the possibility that my highest self is more.  In the next version of my story i take my premonition to mean the following:  I continue down this spiritual path, continue to dance and do Nia (and in this story i am also doing burlesque) and as I do so my awareness continues to grow until one day i become and enlighten Being.  Like an Eckhart Tolle, maybe an Osho.   I maybe write some decent books and i continue to dance and spread a message of love and creativity through dance and music.  Specifically rhythm, African rhythm.  I teach that we are all the creator and to enter into the divine all we need to do is BE the creator.  I use creativity as means to enter into the unknown.  In this story i am still holding onto this concept of divine feminine.  I am doing burlesque as a means to spread a message of love and respect for the female form.  I teach the the divine feminine is to be adorned and loved, not disrespected and lusted after.  And, i teach that men are also half feminine and need to come in touch with that side of themselves.  Oh, in this story i am also a photographer.  Specifically, i take beautiful photos of naked women.  Not quiet like the Suicide Girls.  I take picture of the Divine Feminine.   I am a dancer and a spiritual teacher, thus I have achieved my purpose and attained my highest self.. good story right?  Not enough for me!

Before I explain the last possible version of the story I want to share a passage from a book by the Dalai Lama  “How to Expand Love: Widening the the Circle of Loving Relationships”.  In it he say:

“By bring born human, you have taken on a physical support system through which you can easily achieve both your temporary and your larger aims.  Now that you have attained this auspicious life form so unique among the myriad forms born into this world, it is important that you don’t waste it.  If in this situation you practice merely to attain a good life in future rebirths for yourself, you would not be using your potential fully.  Or, if you merely air to liberate yourself from the tangles of suffering, this would also fall short of your inherent potential.  With your humanity you should do whatever you can to attain perfect, complete spiritual development”

Perfect, complete spiritual development.  What does that mean?  Is it the same for everyone?  As i contemplate this i come to conclusion that perfect, complete spiritual development is what ever One perceives it to be.  This bring me back to my premonitions (again, my minds stories) and what they feel like.  It feels like my destiny is to become so much “more” than an enlightened person who writes a book.  It feels like my destiny is to become THE enlightened person who write THE book.  In this version of the story I become a spiritual leader on the level of Buddha and Jesus.  The way i envision it, i somehow prove beyond a reasonable doubt that ALL IS ONE.  (through science actually… science and spirituality also become one… more details in later blog but for now, i will share that a few months ago after some intense extended meditation, i was flooded with ideas and thoughts about how can actually do this.  A research study… pretty exciting (and “strange” stuff!)

Anyway, in this version of my story, everything from Buddhism to Christianity to Yoga to physics and astrology blends into one core philosophical/psychological/spiritual Truth.  Universal Truth.  I embody the Divine Feminine and shine with so much light that when people see me they can help but recognize this light as their own.  I think in this version i am a healer too…   And in this story, THE book that write, my path from an ordinary girl to THE ONE is this blog.

So yeah, crazy huh?  Yes, i agree, totally crazy.  What and ego i must have BUT, it’s a possibility right?   I mean, every major religion is predicting some sort of “2nd coming”.  All Buddhist sects believe that Buddha Maitreya is coming soon.  Christians have their whole 2nd coming thing, 2012- the end of the Mayan calendar, etc… what if it is all true?    What is EVERYTHING is true to some degree?

Obviously it feels totally narcissistic that i could possibly think my life story will be an important one… how “self oriented” to think that i need to write down my story as it happens so that no information is lost… it’s crazy right?  Why am I so hooked on “MY” path… who am I?  I thought enlightenment was about the dilution of self but the concept of recording my story for future generations seems like the most self identified thing one can do!

So, what so i do?  Do i stop or do i stay “open to the possibility”… open to the possibility that my “premonitions” might really mean what i sometimes think they mean (or one of the lesser versions)… or do i brush it off as crazy narcissistic fantasies… it seems like it makes most sense to do it, write it down, and if nothing ever happens, i lose nothing. I have a great collection of stories to share with my kids!   And you readers!  I mean, i am pretty sure when i grow up I am going to be a nia instructing, african drumming, burlesque dancing, nude photo takin’ divine feminine!  That is totally a possibility.  That alone sounds like a pretty fantastic life AND story!  We’ll see, I am straying open to all possibilities!

ok, so what now!  Well, i guess i am going to start writing.  I’m not sure how it will come out because “I” am not actually writing the story.  First, i am planning go in to exciting details about the last year and a half of my life.  This includes illicit drug use, numerology, enlightenment intensives, chakras, constant coincidences (including visions of blue lights everywhere),  falling in love for the first time (with a female), creative breakthroughs, tantra workshops,  “transcendental masturbatory moments”, heart break and another round of ego deaths!   Plus much much more… i feel like i have lived a lifetime in the past year and a half!

NOW we arrive at the present moment.  I am exiting heart break and ego death and entering a new beginning.  I have no idea what the future holds but i am bracing myself because i think it is going to be a WILD and sometimes bumpy ride!  I am writing a story but i am only a coauthor.   The Source/Truth/God/whatever you want to call it is a coauthor in this story/dream and SHE 😉  has the power to add any twist and turns she wants into this story…  Lets find out together what is going to be written in!

Blog pic: Tulum Mayan Ruins, 3.22.2010