Archive for August, 2010

a poem about nothing…. or everything

a poem about nothing…. or everything

the space feels so infinite
where does it all come from
it feels so fucking intimate

stuff i send forth
like a clown car’s brightly colored contents
spilling all over the town

so much space
what a waste
make more money! make more money!
make haste! make haste!

take my stuff
i’m purging my past
i’m not the first and i’m not the last
but i’m fucking kicking karmas ass

i bequeath to you this hard wood floor
dancing queen
i have a thousand more springs from which to be sprung
i’ll leap like Tigger
open air
naked and nourished in the sun



this one i wrote in chicken scratch on a series of post it notes before walking out the door to a concert.  After i wrote it i was a little frustrated, i yelled at myself “what does that mean!  what’s all around!  why can’t i see it!”… anyway, one of these days i will know what i’m talking about… i hope 😉


everybody wait and see
everything is gonna be just fine with me

i might seem here and there and all around
but somewhere in all this
there are answers to be found

i probably won’t find them
where i thought they would be

they are probably sitting
in plain sight for me to see

if i can turn my mind off
let go of thought
and just listen to sound

i’ll probably find what i am looking for
is already here
i’m sure it’s all around

Every now and i then i make a completely huge life changing decision on the spur of the moment that completely alter my course in Life.  The 1st one worked out well.   I blogged about it once before.  One day, in spring of 1999, I was sitting in my dorm room with some friends, drinking beer, getting ready to go to a party.  We were flipping channels and we landed on the NASA channel.  I saw the stunning view of Earth from outer space and i proclaimed to all my friends “That’s it, i want to be an astronaut!”.  Ugg, everyone laughed, i laughed, and then the next day week i filled out an application for the University of Minnesota.  From that time till now, 11 years, my focus/goals were all career/engineering/wanting to go to outer space related.

I have just made another decision that i AM 100% going to follow through with with the same commitment and prob even more passion, def more fear!   I decided last week i want to move to Hawaii, i just applied to volunteer at Kalani Oceanside Retreat on the Big Island.  I also talked to my boss and he is working to approve me for a 6 months leave of absence.    Obv i still need to get accepted as a volunteer and get the leave locked down but i am 95% sure both will happen…  it it obvious to me it is “meant to be”.   Also, i am not “planning” this but i wouldn’t be surprise if after this leave of absence i end up actually quitting all together…  in fact, i expect something will surface in the next 12 months which will make this easy to do, because God knows i want too!  God, you have 11 months to bring me a source of income, hop to it!  Nia and Photography at Kalani perhaps?  A paid position instead of a volunteer?  Or maybe my yet to be named (and created really)  movement modality will come to fruition?  music, movement, and mediation all working together… i think i know what it is called but i’m not ready to share just yet…   Wow, good-bye former life i guess!  Eeeek, i am SO excited!  All i am going to do at Kalani is Live, Laugh, and Love…. and dance, i am planning to dance my ass off all over that island!  🙂  I have a feeling it will be the beginning of the rest of my life… or at least t he beginning of the next decade of my life!  Yay!

Head vs Heart

*** for Thursday Poets Rally ***

head vs heart

i’ve got a poem in my head
poetry in my heart
i wanna write it down
but don’t know where to start

so many thoughts and words
constantly coming through
i only wanna write the ones
that i know are for sure true

but i can’t trust this mind
it’s full of impure thoughts
it’s seeking answers
my heart knows can’t be sought

so i’ll just say
the only thing i know is true
you are my inspiration
and i love you