Archive for October, 2010


The Down Came Back Around


The Down Came Back Around
10.27.2010

the down
down
down
came back around
it snuck in though a poem without making a sound

an awareness of self
i didn’t want to see
a realization of how far i am
from where i want to be

still holding on
to insecurity and doubt
even tho people tell me otherwise
it’s almost like i need them to shout

and i want to blame her
for holding me back
because her words are the only ones that matter
but she won’t give me any slack

she won’t tell me i’m good
or that ever mattered to her
but without her validation
i find it hard to be secure

last i heard i was hurtful and mean
and i am not a person
with which she wants to be seen

and since then only silence
i don’t exist
i could deliver the world to her front door
and her disdain for me would persist

but it’s not her fault
only i am responsible for how i feel
and the same is true for her
only when we are on this same page
can we move forward and heal

and i’m grasping with hope
that we will be on the same page soon
but i know that’s not true
if at all, it will be many many cycles of the moon

i also know i did nothing
to deserve this ice cold treatment
she is doing what she has to do
i respect that
no need to give her a preachment

so once again
i’m letting her go
but i’ll keep writing as long
as my feeling for her flow


this is just like the most amazing thing i have ever read.  I need it on my blog so i can read it often and really remember why i am here!

This comes from an amazing blog called Awakening Women Blog, actually, it’s the only blog i subscribe to!  🙂

 

Awakening Women Rotating Header Image

We Have Come to Be Danced

by Jewel Mathieson

We have come to be danced
not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance

We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance

We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance

WE have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance

We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance

We have come to be danced
where the kingdom’s collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME

Lost gems :-)


I found these in my iphone notes last night.  I vaguely remember writing them on the run, i think maybe a few weeks ago?  I changed the note so the date got changed.

Flyin’ Free

flyin’ free
flyin’ fast
hope i can make
this moment last

the ups so up
dreams can come true
but the down
down
down
down
is probably coming back soon

this too shall pass
is tattooed on my arm
i’ve got to remember that
when my joy seems in harm

the cycles of life
so big and so small
time collapses on itself
and doesn’t exist at all

14 billion years coming to now
it’s a fucking miracle
and for the most part
humans have figured out how

but don’t think for a second
that we will ever know it all
for if we try to know too much
we will rise and we will fall

———————————–

don’t do it

i know you were hurt
by some things i did and said
but don’t let that be the primary story
that lingers in your head

you deserve the light and love
that is abundant in my heart
i’ll do my nest to give you all you need
including time and space apart

where do i belong?


where do i belong
10.13.2010

where do i belong
i’m trying to figure out where i fit
do i belong with the meditaters
who just Be and sit?

do i belong with the dancers
shaking their stuff
getting attention
perfecting the bluff

do i belong with the scientists
hanging out in a lab
thinking up ideas
that i know will be fab

do i belong with the photographers
always with camera in tow
“your pictures are great”
it feeds my ego

do i belong in musical theater
the people are great
caring and loving
no sign of any hate

do i belong with the midwesterners
with whom i became who i am
all i know is if i hadn’t left
my life would not be this exam

do i belong with my Nia tribe
moving in joy
standing in back
acting all coy

do i belong with the dikes
sucking on boob
having some fun
with lots of lube

do i belong in the mainstream
always a drink in one hand
i don’t really want that any more
that life seems so bland

do i belong with the hippies
token on weed
pretended to think
that i’ve already been freed

do i belong with the philosophers
thinking about time
sharing my thoughts
putting them to rhyme

i don’t know
i guess i could make all of them fit
but none of them belong
in the Truth the i’ve hit

no matter where i go
no matter what i do
i truly believe
i belong most with you


This is an amazing quote and i feel like it totally expresses my feeling for and experience with dance.  It’s too long of a facebook update so i’m making it a blog post.  Enjoy!

“Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occasion, when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moments, I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists. I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then, it is the eternal dance of creation. The creator and the creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing until there is only. . .the dance.”  -Michael Jackson, 1992

Lynn: The Musical


omg, i am having a lot of fun with this manifesting stuff.  I have started writing down (by hand) the things i want in life.  I LOVE dreaming!  This is what i would like to do most i think,  write a musical!  I have been thinking about this for months and months here and there… when i dated Ron he had this dream that he wanted writing a heavy metal musical.  I think that’s what planted the seed.  I just started thinking about how much i love musicals and stuff.  I would LOVE for my Life to be like a musical!  I would love my life to be like this.  I actually think about it a lot.  I think about going out on the town and strapping a little speaker system to myself and just dancing down the street instead of walking.  I imagine having music from my iphone playing in my purse and i just boogie down the isles at PCC. (and yes, i realized i could easily make these a reality by just making the choice to  do it but i don’t want to disturb people, and i don’t know if i want all the attention.  I’m sure some people would think it was awesome and some would want to punch me in the face, I just wish it was something everyone did!  I wish there were speaker on the streets blasting awesome music, maybe i should write that in my journal!  )  So yeah, musicals rock!   Anyway, yeah, Ron planted the seed and i starting thinking about trying to get the rights to RENT and turn it into a dance musical.   2 actors for each charactor on stage.  A singer and a dancer.  The singers are backlit and just do the singing and the staging is 100% dance.  The story it told through interpretative dance.  Ugg, i think it would be awesome!  I looked into it a tiny but but got discouraged.  Didn’t know any other dancers, didn’t have money to secure the rights, and even if i did, they prob wouldn’t let me change it that much.  It’s also pretty new and still running i think.    So yeah, that idea passed (although it is officially on the bucket list, even just a small local run).  Then today, my friend Raff from Twelfth Night Productions IMed me to check out a video on his FB page.  Turns out his friend made a 20 minute youtube musical.  It was so good!  I am really impressed and it totally inspired me!  It is called Frat: The Musical.  Check it out!  Frat: The Musical Part 1 and Frat: The Musical Part 2.  My friend Raff plays the douchy dude and he’s amazing at it  😉  It inpired me to think about writing a musical again so i decided to write it down in my journal.  I am really excited about the idea and what to share it.  Now remember, i’m a big dreamer!  🙂

Hello God, it’s me Lynn.  I would like to write a musical about my Life but i would like to be able to use music that is already written.  I would like to be able to get the rights to the songs for free.  I hope this will happen as a result of people seeing the youtube videos i’m going to make in hawaii that we discussed a few days ago.  Hopefully other artist will like what they see and produce/finance the whole project (although i get producing credit as well) and/or just donate the rights their songs.  Get on that, yo!  Thanks!  Love & Light, Lynn

so yeah, sounds fun huh?  stayed tuned. I’m really excited to see how my Life unfolds.  I’ve also been writing about having a certain someone come back into my life.  🙂

update:  I just read over this post again and i kind of cracked up how how i addressed God.  It seemed maybe a little cavalier, like maybe i should be more “worshipy” or something.  For me, i don’t think so.  For me my relationship with God is more of a partnership.  Almost like what you would have as a Lover, except i don’t really view my God as a lover at all.  I think about that a lot.  What God looks like to me.  Is it a he, and she, or an it… for some reason, i always some back to it’s a he (which is why he isn’t my lover).  I picture him as this older wiser guy, like a wizard chilling somewhere over the universe.  He not super huge or anything, he’s human sized and has a big pot (like a witch i guess) and even though the pot is just human sized, when he looks into he can see the whole universe… it’s his brew and he is just constantly stirring the pot.  And once you tap into him, you can ask him questions and he will give you signs and ideas.  And, we have an understanding.  I feel like i am here to serve a purpose for him, so he’s gotta hook me up a little!  50/50… well, prob more like 75/25… he got a lot more power than me.  We’ve gotten pretty close lately though and i feel like he is relinquishing a little control over to me.  He’s just an awesome dude, he’s fairly good looking too because even though i would never take him on as a lover i like to flirt with him and tease him a bit when i dance.  Maybe he looks something like the pic below.  Except totally not at all.  He doesn’t have the weapons, and he looks a bit softer and more loving.   I like the rest of the outfit though.  Coincidentally, this picture when i “save as” off of google is Pathfinder5-Wizard.jpg  Pathfinder, i like it!

The Blur of Love


eeek, i’m getting braver.  Gotta throw what i want out there i guess.  what do you think, do i dare e-mail this to the person who inspired it… i seems like i have nothing to lose…  🙂

 

The Blur of Love
10.08.2010


i miss everything you do
i want to wrap my arms around you

i want to sing and dance though the night
when you were in it, Life was never a fight

remember the candles flickering around
remember the shadows where we danced with no sound

remember laughing and holding each other tight
remember saying “I Love You”
even tho we were both scared and full of fright

remember the pictures taken and sent back and forth
remember that awesome song, North by North

remember g-chatting for hours on end
remember, that’s how you became my best friend

remember A Fine Frenzy
where we stood side by side
i looked at you when you had tears in your eyes

i asked what was making you sad
and you said you were just happy and glad

remember showing me your writing
the stuff you let no one else read
i felt like sharing with me made you feel freed

remember when i was the first
who you played guitar for while singing your song
remember, we made each other feel like we belong

remember when i shared with you
more than i had with anyone before
remember when you didn’t leave me
and you would listen to more

i wish for you to come back to me
i know we are meant to be together
oh i wish you could see

the feeling is so strong, i feel it way deep in my heart
i’ve got what i needed from this time apart

tell me you have too
please, lets connect again before i depart
i feel like now is a perfect time to start

many before me have gone a different route
but for me, you’re love is integral
about this i have no doubt

your a living expression
of my inspiration, my muse
faith that you will return to me
keeps me from feeling the blues

just you and i is all we need
we can be alone, peaceful, quiet and free

we’ll change the world
once piece of art at a time
it will be a wonderful life
up to the heavens we’ll climb

you will keep me grounded
you’ll help me keep my head on straight
and i will shower you will love an affection
i promise it will be great

i listen better than i did before
your path is your path
you chose if you want to walk through my door

i want nothing more than you as you are right now
you’re perfect
i love you as is
this is my solemn vow

don’t let what we had fade into a blur
i know you know it was special
it often felt perfect, as it were
Sam misses you too
he wants you to pet his fur  🙂

 

* Photo taken a lifetime ago, 1.15.2010

Free at Last


Free at Last
10.07.2010

i’m not affected by what you think of me
i may be a bit crazy
but i’m also creating and flying free

i’ve got nothin’ but love and joy in my heart
mixed with some pain and sorrow
but i’m getting close to the start

my intentions are always loving and true
i really just want to connect with you

so much separateness
from those who preach about One
but i guess we’re only human
time and money keep us all on the run

Hello God, it’s me, Lynn


Hello God, it’s me, Lynn
10.04.2010

i love you for everything you do
thank you for making all my dreams come true

i love you for creating this awful world wide mess
thank you for forcing me to pass this great test

you shown me answers
i think no one else knows
so for you i’ll shine like the sun
i think i can handle all of Life’s blows

but what i need from you right not
is for you to cut me a break
bring me the bliss
i have nothing left to forsake

i’m on the brink of madness
even though i’ve learned to control my mind
i want to relax in my knowing
cuz i know there is more information i can find

but i can’t put anymore in
until i get something out
because my head will literally explode
about that, i have no doubt

connection I


this is a new poetry “category” i am calling “Connections”.  The poems are just about some of my  opinions on things based on my personal experience.  enjoy 🙂

connection I
10.01.2010

i have to do it
to make a believer out of you
i have to do it
so you’ll listen when i tell you what is true

body-mind connection
is what it’s all about
if your in pain your body is telling you something
that pain is your bodies shout!

your not supposed to just live with it
it not just the way it is
your body is calling to be healed
Life’s answers are calling to be revealed

your bodies holding on to your past
even though you think in your mind
you’ve let it go
get to the source and make a connection
then your life will begin to flow

align your spine and chakras
and your life will begin to change
get up and start moving
experience the limits of your bodies range

your body is your temple
your body is your prayer
breath with it everyday
feel the sensation of the air