The Down Came Back Around

the down
came back around
it snuck in though a poem without making a sound

an awareness of self
i didn’t want to see
a realization of how far i am
from where i want to be

still holding on
to insecurity and doubt
even tho people tell me otherwise
it’s almost like i need them to shout

and i want to blame her
for holding me back
because her words are the only ones that matter
but she won’t give me any slack

she won’t tell me i’m good
or that ever mattered to her
but without her validation
i find it hard to be secure

last i heard i was hurtful and mean
and i am not a person
with which she wants to be seen

and since then only silence
i don’t exist
i could deliver the world to her front door
and her disdain for me would persist

but it’s not her fault
only i am responsible for how i feel
and the same is true for her
only when we are on this same page
can we move forward and heal

and i’m grasping with hope
that we will be on the same page soon
but i know that’s not true
if at all, it will be many many cycles of the moon

i also know i did nothing
to deserve this ice cold treatment
she is doing what she has to do
i respect that
no need to give her a preachment

so once again
i’m letting her go
but i’ll keep writing as long
as my feeling for her flow