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that’s all folks

The End 🙂

Luv & Light,



This is an amazing quote and i feel like it totally expresses my feeling for and experience with dance.  It’s too long of a facebook update so i’m making it a blog post.  Enjoy!

“Consciousness expresses itself through creation. This world we live in is the dance of the creator. Dancers come and go in the twinkling of an eye but the dance lives on. On many an occasion, when I am dancing, I have felt touched by something sacred. In those moments, I felt my spirit soar and become one with everything that exists. I become the stars and the moon. I become the lover and the beloved. I become the victor and the vanquished. I become the master and the slave. I become the singer and the song. I become the knower and the known. I keep on dancing and then, it is the eternal dance of creation. The creator and the creation merge into one wholeness of joy. I keep on dancing until there is only. . .the dance.”  -Michael Jackson, 1992

“Bloom” by Gemma Luna

There is this song by a sing/songwriter named Gemma Luna that i love but she isn’t very well known at all.  Her music really speaks to me!  Since, everyone is always making youtube photo montages put to songs they like so i decided to do the same thing.   I haven’t upgraded my blog enough to embed videos so we will have to  settle for a pretty picture with a link to  it.  All of the photography was taken by me since March, when i first went to Hawaii.  The video is kind of a tribute to myself and how my i have “blossomed” in since i was last there.  Enjoy!

Dear Universe:

Dear Universe,

We need to have a little chat… you are WAY to sneaky! I ask you for things all the time and i have to say, you have been pretty good at delivering! The whole “new career” thing is coming along nicely… slowly… but it’s ok. It makes me feel safer that way anyway. However, this whole Love thing… i had a revelation this morning that we have not been speaking the same language! I have asked “to fall in love” and you keep bringing me these people who aren’t ready to fall back… then, this morning, i realized i have been asking for the wrong thing. I mean, technically, you totally delivered! I totally fell in the love! For sure once and almost a couple other times too! Ummm, the feelings just weren’t really reciprocated in the same way… today i realized that what i really want, now anyway, i have never really asked you for. And really, i guess i didn’t ask because i wasn’t really ready i guess… i am ready now… and that’s kind of a lie… part of me doesn’t feel ready, but i WANT to be ready and i am totally up for the challenge.

Universe, here is my new intention, what i am sending out to you: I want to be loved… i want to be loved in the same capacity that i am willing to love another. I am done trying to sweep people off their feet. I am ready to allow myself to be swept of my feet… i think i have earned it! 😉

So yeah, i could give you specifics about what i want this person to be like but let’s be real, you totally know. You know my life plans, you know where i envision my life going and the things i want to do and accomplish, bottom line, you know who i am looking for and who will fit nicely into the life i am creating for myself (the life i am allowing to be created ;-)… and i guess while i’m at it… well, i won’t asked specifically that this person be the One for the rest of this lifetime, but it would be nice. I’m kinda over all this meeting people and dating, and yadda yadda yadda…. it would be super awesome to only have to do it one more time. So yeah, that’s what i want. A stable, committed, loving, relationship… relatively “long term”, whatever that means… def more than a month or 2… i’d kinda like to get past the “courting” phase for once… so there you go, bring her (or him) on. I’m ready! I’m sorry i haven’t more clear in the past. I realize i have cursed you a lot for not bringing me what i never really asked for… my bad! I hope we’re clear now. 😉

Luv & Light,

p.s. Universe, after exchanging some comments with Desiree I realized that again, i may have mis-worded my intention… along with “being loved” i commit to allowing myself to receive the love you send my way…  but please, make it come from someone who will really fit into my life and not some random dude or chick who thinks i’m the best thing since sliced bread but has absolutely nothing in common with me!

Is it ok to own a canadian?

Super awesome:

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following
response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US resident, and
posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God’s Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there
‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to
death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and
unchanging. Your adoring fan. James M. Kauffman,Ed.D. Professor
Emeritus,Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special
EducationUniversity of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we
couldn’t own a Canadian)

Shine on people!

This quote has changed my life.  I can’t wait till we all know it to be true.  I’m getting there!  🙂

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of the universe. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

My Dance

My Dance 5.24.2010

i feel happy
i feel free
i finally feel ready to step into my light
for all to see

i’m gonna dance my dance
all around town
i’m gonna jump high up to the heavens
and sink low into the ground

i’m gonna spin, and leap
and wiggle, and smile
i really hope people
get my funky style

it’s fast, and slow
and sharp, and soft
and when i’m really in the zone
i feel completely aloft

and if you think it’s weird
i’m gonna hafta let it go
because it’s when i feel most me
and i am gonna just let me flow!

I Love Love :-)

Uggg, i am happy.  I am totally falling in love again and it is awesome!  Part of my brain is telling me it’s too soon.  It’s not possible to feel this love for someone i haven’t known very long.  Then i think more and i realize that is it so OK and i am lucky.  I have done A LOT of work with this concept of love over the past year and i just think my heart is really open.   And so is the other persons.  And more importantly, i am really being fearless with this.  Sinking in and falling into bliss.  We were both looking for a short term rebound and found something so much more awesome.  The BEST part is neither has any expectation about this love being a “long term relationship” or “the one” or whatever.  It takes SO much pressure off.  We are both just living in the now and embracing what we have found.  Awesome!  Yay!

Sooo, the million dollar question i’m sure you all want to know.  It is a boy or a girl… hmmm, shoudl i tell?  ok, it’s a girl!   eeek, i think i am offically in my 1st real “lesbian relationship”.   Life is so strange and unexpected!

Yin Healing ;-)

This is a super fast version of an experience i had last night.  Hope to write more this weekend, tons of work to do today!

So I’ve been working on balancing my yin and yang.  I totally am imbalanced.  Way more yang that i need and not enough yin as i want.   The trip in Hawaii was all about “the embodiment of yin and yang” and that is precisely why i went… to find my yin…

Got back last week, def set things in motion but didn’t know what.  Last night i went to listen to this chick sing… i didn’t totally dig it but i had a pretty awesome experience anyway.  This was the performer:

Basically she practices Kundalini yoga and is a musician… i guess one would call her a “new age” musician but she def likes to be a “spiritual teacher” as well.  Like i said, i didn’t really dig the music.   It’s a lot of “I am the light of God” type stuff and for what ever reason it felt too churchy to me.  My cool experience came when they were chanting in non-english… not sure the language, Sanskrit?  Anyway, i’ll skip a head.

During one of the songs i just went into a mediation and just let the music take me away.   I stated gently rocking/spinning (Kundalini energy) but at one point in time my body was pushed over to my right and it held there for almost the whole song, maybe like 4 mins.  It felt like i was leaning way to my right but i bet it was only like a 10 degree angle… why was i leaning to the right you ask?  Well, there was some MAJOR energy moving on my left side… my yin side!  My whole left side was just radiating, circulating energy…  It felt awesome!  I tried to figure out if it seemed like energy was moving out or moving in but i couldn’t tell, i think it was just circling, root to crown… it felt awesome and i knew it was def some sort of yin release/healing… the song ended and for the rest of the songs, when i was in mediation my body stayed straight as a pin… my back and spine felt SO long and stretched… Like each vertebrata was just floating above the one below..  It was cool…

Anyway, so yeah, i can’t pin point exactly what was “healed” but i def feel different today…. better… more comfortable… i think the healing had something to do with my sexuality but i can’t be certain.  ultimately it doesn’t matter because what ever happened is a good thing!  I do know that i have a hot date with a beautiful girl tonight and i am really excited!  😉

oh, on a side note… I need to take a Kundalini Yoga class… this is not the 1st time i have have expereinces with Kundalini Yoga.  I actually met a girl who teaches oin Cap hill… need to get on that… the class, not the girl 😉

Day 5 – Budding

The handout on Budding says “Now we witness another miraculous phase of growth:  the wisdom and ability to stop.  Proliferation has served to create a bud worthy of heathy fruit, and a period of rest and gratitude is in order”.  This is also the birth of the 4th chakra, the Heart Chakra!

Day 5 is when i really realized how much i had grown in the past for days and also when the celebration really started to feel “spiritual” to me.

The day started for me with a little meditation/chakra balancing.  While i was doing this Kari was doing some yoga or tai chi a few feet from me.  After i was done i went to head inside and much to my dismay i saw what looked like a dying bird laying on the floor right outside the door.  It had flown into the screen.  Poor little guy was laying on his back an breathing super heavy and i thought for sure it was dying and i freaked out a bit on got Kari.  She said something smart and hippy like “well lets hold some space for it”.  So we both sat down on the floor next the bird and just sat with it.    I charged up my hands and sent some reiki it’s way and i think kari was too. It isn’t seem scared or any thing.   After about 2-3 mins the bird flipped over and was standing.  At that point i cupped my hands around it so one was on either side, maybe like an inch from the bird.  As soon as i did this the bird flinched a little.  It was def feeling the reiki.  It hopped a little closer to me.  I sat like this for another 2-3 mins, the little bird nestled in the energy of my hands and then at one point it hopped/flew alway a bit and landed right on Kari’s lap!  After a min or so there it hopped to the railing.  Kari and i were kind of amazed.  Did we just heal this bird?  I mean realistically, when i found the bird it was prob not really going to die but it was just in shock.  It prob would have pulled itself together and flew away eventually.  Kari and i decided that at a minimum tho we helped it pull itself together faster.  Anyway, the bird sat on the rail and after a minute or so i said out loud “ok bird, Kari and i have to go to breakfast now.  Have a good day.”  As soon as i said that the bird took off into trees.  We named the bird Heart because is was green (like the heart chakra) AND it was the beginning of the heart chakra day.  While i was packing a few days later i saw the bird again (i like to think it was the same bird anyway).  It was just chillin outside my window on the last morning while i packed.

After breakfast we had Nia 5 stages and then it went into a session of beingLoved.  Hmmm, how do i describe what went on in this session… there isn’t a way to describe it.  By this time the group had really bonded and everyone was feeling very close and loving.  I certainly felt more comfortable than i usually would with people i had mostly only known a week.  I mean, they had all seen me cry for the 1st day and a half days and they still loved me!  hee hee :-)… ok, so the session stated with music on and us really just focusing on being present.  Present to all of our senses, sight, touch, etc… Basically everyone was just kind of rolling around of the floor in happy la la land.  In the beginning i was pretty much on the outside in my own little world but i was aware that others in the group had started to interact a bit.  Rolling on/over each other and just “playing” with the state of presence.  For those who meditate you may know this state of presence i am talking about it.  When you are completely in the moment everything feels perfect and full of love.  Colors are brighter and everything is beautiful.  At one point in time while most of the people are all interacting and rolling on each other and laughing i just turned over and made eye contact with Kathy.  She is an amazing women!  I want to say she is in her late 30’s early 40’s?  She has a 6 year old daughter and is married to what sounds like and amazing man.  She teaches parenting classes to women in prison and she is totally just the biggest nurturer ever!  We made eye contact and smiled and each other and she started crawling over to me so i just crawled towards her and we just gave each other a big hug and ended up just cuddling on the floor for a minute or so.  Cuddling like you would cuddle your mom or sister, or even the way two little girls cuddle with other when they have sleepovers.  Honestly, this type of closeness is kind of out of my comfort zone.  Ask my family and they will tell you.  I have spent most of my life hating being hugged!  This had changed a lot in recent months.  I am def coming a big hugger but in general, at this time i didn’t necessarily like being hugged, i just like giving hugs!  Again, it goes back to what i said in my earlier blog about being better at giving love then receiving it.

Anyway, this hug/cuddling totally opened up a door for me and i just said “fuck it, time to let go” and i ended up just letting myself roll into the pile of people rolling all over the place.  It was amazing.  It felt so safe and trusting, and super full of love… it’s hard to explain but sufficed it to say that to an outside observer i’m sure our little circle looked strange as hell.  To me it was basically like a non-sexual, fully clothed heart orgy (as opposed to a 2nd chakra orgy ;-).  It was pretty awesome.

After all of the loving rolling all over floor about 8 of us hit the pool for a pre-lunch naked swim… by this time i was really diggin’ being naked!  😉

The 2nd session was pretty uneventful (but great).  It was Shamantra and we did mostly the vocal drum circle. After that was the evening Nia class.  During this class Liz encouraged everyone to be a underachiever.  Given that i was pretty immobile due to my back this worked well for me.  I couldn’t have asked for a better theme for the class! The Achiever in me knows that i was the best underachiever in the class!  hee hee!  I did all the steps but barely moved the whole class!

The evening ended with a talent show and this is where is became pretty spiritual for me.  I realized the kind of people that live at Kalani.  I also realized that i will prob end up living there at some point in time.

The MC for the talent show was this awesome gay dude who was totally hot.  He MCed in drag and was funny and dirty as hell… and yeah, he had a better body than most women… all i could keep thinking was “i bet there are some straight guys here trying to deal with some “funny feelings ;-)”.

Anyway, all the talent was amazing.  I mean, in general artist are drawn to this spiritual world so it shouldn’t be surprising at all.  I want to write about all of them but i am going to stick to 2 of them.  You may recall a few weeks ago a blogged about how when i was watching the monk at the buddhist temple he basically radiated pure light and completely memorized me.  Well, this happened to me twice at the talent show.  The 1st guy who radiated to me was this award winning poet (for got his name for now but i’ll find it out, i know his 1st name is Chad).  He said his is writing a book and was gonna read the 1st 4 pages of the book.  The 4 pages were basically channeled and as he read it he would get lost every now and then because apparently he hadn’t read what he had written before… and since it was channeled he wasn’t totally aware when he wrote it.

Anyway, the story read as “the story of chad as told but his spirit guide”.  It was amazing… and horrible… I realized that Chad’s spirit guide (and basically the one writing the story) had a wicked sense of humor because it was seriously the worst writing i have ever heard.  I realized soon into it that Chad, the award winning poet, was def not the one who wrote the story.  That said, the message was profound, esp for me.  The spirit guide talked about many things but one thing that clicked with me was something he said about enlightenment and mediation.  Basically that the most “effective” way to mediated (if enlightenment is what you seek… and it is what i seek) is to “do nothing”, focus on the breath.  In short, he described Vipassana… damn… what you resist persists.  You may recall that the 10 day Vipassana retreat is the meditation that i left early because it “wasn’t my path”… As i watch Chad read his story, i started to see him radiate pure light just like the monk and i knew that i Vipassana is a part of my path… just not yet… I need to start doing silent/breath mediations a little more often but i also realized that i will be going back to the 10 day eventually.  I am pretty sure it will be in 2 years.  I will will turn 33 (i am a life path 33-6 in numerology) on dec 14th 2012 and i will prob go to the mediation over xmas again which means i will be there in Dec 2012… a big time in terms of the Mayan calendar as well as just spiritually speaking.  Most who practice some form of spirituality believe that Dec 2012 will be some sort of turning point for humanity.  The end of the world as we know it.  Some believe the world is going to end but i believe we are just going to see a massive blossoming of conciseness and we will get much closer to a peaceful loving world.  yay!

The other personal that radiated light to me was this early-mid 20 something girl.  She read a poem she wrote but it was def more than that to me.  To me it was the word of god (or truth, source, universe, whatever you want to call).  It had a Rumi feel.  I was so completely mesmerized that i can barely remember what it was about.  I was just staring at her with my hand on my chest (because i felt like my heart was about to explode with love) my eyes completely fixed.  She was speaking the absolute Truth. I noticed she kept looking at me too.

After the show was over i approached her and told her how amazing her poem was and i asked her what he back ground/meditative practices were but i didn’t get the info i was looking for.  Apparently she works at a bike shop on the island and is going to the university for literature.  She said writing is her main mediative practice.  At this point i just came out and said “well this might strange while you were reading that you basically radiated pure light to me and it was amazing, do you know what i am talking about”.  Turns out she did know what i was talking about because she said “thank for telling me, i kept looking over at you because i could see in your eyes that you knew what i was talking about”.  Anyway, i have her a hug and wished he well and went on my way and later i totally regretted that i didn’t ask for her contact information.  If for no other reason so that i could follow her journey.  Who is she?  Did she consider herself enlightened?  I just wanted to know more.  Turns out that one of the other women from our group asked if she would send her a copy of the poem so i guess when she does i can get her e-mail.

So yeah, the talent show was pretty deep for me.  I had some pretty massive heart openings and i realized that there is a lot more than hippy relaxing going on here.  There is some serious spiritual evolution taking place and i want to be a part of it.  I think i will end up at Kalani for a few months or more at some point in time, prob still a few years form now though.


top: me taking a pic of myself taking a picture!

mid: Our little bird Heart

bot: Fresh coconuts.  The dude that chopped him cut the tops off and gave us a few.  Yummy!